25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
Not for a blog.
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
My debts.
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
What I hold to be important.
28. Tell your partner [I think they mean 'companion'] what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
Not for a blog.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Only one? The time I reversed a fire truck into the car of one of my OIC’s friends. He parked right in behind me. But I should have checked.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
In front of another: can’t recall. By myself: recently with my son in hospital. At work I feel emotion from time to time when I read some harrowing case notes of people to whom we provide services, particularly when it involves young people with degenerative illness.
31. Tell your partner [companion -- if they are your 'partner', then you should have traveled far together and know much that you like about them, else they wouldn't be a 'partner'] something that you like about them already.
Not for blog.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Children’s future.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
The trajectory of my life changed after two successive romantic shocks, oh so long ago; neither of which anything in my experience had prepared me for. The first only became bad after the second; the second amplifying it retrospectively.
In the second, I think I was more heavily invested than my girl-friend was, yet I read her behaviour as she being equally if not more invested then I was. When it ended nothing seemed to close the chasm of loss; the only way I could make sense of it was to jettison the way of life that had exposed me to such pain, in the hope that different experience would protect me in the future.
I suppose I’d have liked to have been able to communicate that; but the loss was total, and I was insufficiently experienced to bring a different outcome.
I lost touch with her many years ago and wish it to remain that way.
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
My writings, because they are important to me. BTW, I wouldn’t bust a gut to save a pet.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Brother’s: last link with my childhood; children's, because they're precious to me.
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Not for blog.
But, let's pretend that I'm single and talking to another: its not a problem, but a puzzle: has my life been significant?
It's easy to think that it hasn't been because I'm not 'famous' (see answer to Q2), not even in a limited way; I don't even have many connections on LinkedIn! I don't have a huge nest of friends. But when I meet people, I talk to them easily, and often see a glimmer of the real them. That's good.
But there's more: a Christian doesn't limit themselves to the horizon of this life, in two ways: firstly, we are in the kingdom of God...forever in intimate fellowship with our creator, saviour and, as they said in the old days 'lover of my soul'; secondly, in this life we have unimpeded access to our creator in prayer. There is nothing better!
Showing posts with label 36. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 36. Show all posts
Friday, March 27, 2015
Friday, March 13, 2015
36: 13-24
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
Nada, or, if I must answer: movements in the stock market.
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
I was planning to take a cruise in Alaska prior to meeting my now wife, but...No, I got married instead.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Only others can judge that...what have I enjoyed achieving? Growing in understanding and confidence.
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
The other person’s fellowship.
17. What is your most treasured memory?
My childhood, particularly the morning sun shafting into our lounge room with the happy sounds of my parents, particularly my mother, in the background.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
The outwash of rejection in a very significant relationship.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
I’d stop watching crappy TV shows; because they are crappy.
20. What does friendship mean to you?
Non-judgmental open and generous conversation with comfortable silences.
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Well, its all about love: as imperfectly as I do it, but I find nothing more deeply satisfying than seeing someone enjoy time that I spend with them.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Can’t do this on a blog.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Yes, although in my Army psych interview I inadvertently said 'no' to a similar question...still got in.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
She’s dead, so I don’t have one.
Nada, or, if I must answer: movements in the stock market.
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
I was planning to take a cruise in Alaska prior to meeting my now wife, but...No, I got married instead.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Only others can judge that...what have I enjoyed achieving? Growing in understanding and confidence.
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
The other person’s fellowship.
17. What is your most treasured memory?
My childhood, particularly the morning sun shafting into our lounge room with the happy sounds of my parents, particularly my mother, in the background.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
The outwash of rejection in a very significant relationship.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
I’d stop watching crappy TV shows; because they are crappy.
20. What does friendship mean to you?
Non-judgmental open and generous conversation with comfortable silences.
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Well, its all about love: as imperfectly as I do it, but I find nothing more deeply satisfying than seeing someone enjoy time that I spend with them.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Can’t do this on a blog.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Yes, although in my Army psych interview I inadvertently said 'no' to a similar question...still got in.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
She’s dead, so I don’t have one.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
36: 4-12
As the astute reader might surmise, its getting tedious doing the 36 questions. I'll do them in bulk from now on.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
At work: everyone I’ve dealt with feels positive and we achieve good.
At home: house work done, becoming lost in a project, family in the circle but likewise enjoying their interests.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I don’t. Well, I do: I like to put nonsense lyrics to well known tunes for the benefit of my family. However, they do not detect a benefit in my efforts and politely ignore them.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
The mind of a 30 year old? So immature, so unfurnished.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
No. I'm more interested in they hope beyond where Joshua of Nazareth has gone before.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
I don’t have a ‘partner’ I have a wife: Christian faith, interests in the arts and business, interest in people’s motivations.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
[the 'Christian' answer aside] Living in Australia in C21.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
A butler.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
Well, I'm not going to do that on the Internet!
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Able to more effectively engage people in satisfying (for them) conversation.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
At work: everyone I’ve dealt with feels positive and we achieve good.
At home: house work done, becoming lost in a project, family in the circle but likewise enjoying their interests.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I don’t. Well, I do: I like to put nonsense lyrics to well known tunes for the benefit of my family. However, they do not detect a benefit in my efforts and politely ignore them.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
The mind of a 30 year old? So immature, so unfurnished.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
No. I'm more interested in they hope beyond where Joshua of Nazareth has gone before.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
I don’t have a ‘partner’ I have a wife: Christian faith, interests in the arts and business, interest in people’s motivations.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
[the 'Christian' answer aside] Living in Australia in C21.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
A butler.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
Well, I'm not going to do that on the Internet!
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Able to more effectively engage people in satisfying (for them) conversation.
Monday, February 16, 2015
36: 3
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
No, but I prepare the theme, and I identify the information I want (in business). When I ring friends, its for a reason: I'm organising something, discussing a topic, or following up on something they are involved in. So, that's the plan. If one doesn't have a plan for a phone call, one doesn't make it.
But, this is not rehearsal, is it?
Practicing the words before hand? I've done it from time to time, usually just to get the opening right. Particularly for difficult conversations in my work, where I want to achieve the outcome I seek, but not bruise the other person.
When younger, I remember writing out a list of topics to talk to a young woman I was keen on...that was proof in retrospect that it was going nowhere...I was too inexperienced to detect that then. If only I'd had a Fonz to talk to in my mid 20s.
No, but I prepare the theme, and I identify the information I want (in business). When I ring friends, its for a reason: I'm organising something, discussing a topic, or following up on something they are involved in. So, that's the plan. If one doesn't have a plan for a phone call, one doesn't make it.
But, this is not rehearsal, is it?
Practicing the words before hand? I've done it from time to time, usually just to get the opening right. Particularly for difficult conversations in my work, where I want to achieve the outcome I seek, but not bruise the other person.
When younger, I remember writing out a list of topics to talk to a young woman I was keen on...that was proof in retrospect that it was going nowhere...I was too inexperienced to detect that then. If only I'd had a Fonz to talk to in my mid 20s.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
36: 2
The second question in the '36 questions to intimacy' project:
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Only a media outfit would think of that: fame is their bread and butter. I don't think that a mature adult would even think about 'fame'. To do so would be narcisistic, and it misunderstands 'fame'. People are not just famous. Their fame is an outcome; usually of achievement.
I'd imagine that people see fame for currency: it is productive of either wealth or power (or adulation for the narcissist). Maybe some people would be famous for doing 'good'. Mother Theresa springs to mind, but few. On the other hand, Tim Flannery is famous for getting it wrong...again and again. Do you want that?
My answer is 'no'. The second question then falls away.
But if the question is 'what would you like to be known for' that's different.
I avoid any temptation to go off into fantasy land (thus, I wouldn't want to be known for being a great...anything): instead, I would want to be known for loyalty, love, and being there when needed.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Only a media outfit would think of that: fame is their bread and butter. I don't think that a mature adult would even think about 'fame'. To do so would be narcisistic, and it misunderstands 'fame'. People are not just famous. Their fame is an outcome; usually of achievement.
I'd imagine that people see fame for currency: it is productive of either wealth or power (or adulation for the narcissist). Maybe some people would be famous for doing 'good'. Mother Theresa springs to mind, but few. On the other hand, Tim Flannery is famous for getting it wrong...again and again. Do you want that?
My answer is 'no'. The second question then falls away.
But if the question is 'what would you like to be known for' that's different.
I avoid any temptation to go off into fantasy land (thus, I wouldn't want to be known for being a great...anything): instead, I would want to be known for loyalty, love, and being there when needed.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
36: 1
No, not my age, but a set of questions that I saw in The Guardian that are designed to produce intimacy ('love' they say).
I'll give my answers to those questions that I can (some need to be answered in a pair, so I'll have to skip those) over the next few months, the label will be '36', if you want to look at them together.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
The temptation here is to give the Sunday School answer: why, Yeshua, of course. So, I'll not do that.
In the media, this question is supposed to be answered with the name of some famous, but ideally, somewhat 'specialised' and obscure...so 'cool' famous, person whose mention makes one seem very cultured, special, exclusive...I'm not going to do that either.
I'd choose one of my close and oldest friends...that's who I would want as a dinner guest.
I wonder what people think they'd do if they met some exalted famous person; probably ask 'what's it like to be famous'! Fame feeds itself in media land, but omits that relationships are not for entertainment or selfish gratification, but for fellowship: togetherness.
But what to say if you do meet someone really famous?
A friend related to me that he met one of the major figures in his field: James Watson was speaking at a seminar in Australia that my friend was attending. Most people were overawed by Watson, but when my friend found himself standing near Watson he simply asked how his trip to Australia had been. That started a conversation.
I'll give my answers to those questions that I can (some need to be answered in a pair, so I'll have to skip those) over the next few months, the label will be '36', if you want to look at them together.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
The temptation here is to give the Sunday School answer: why, Yeshua, of course. So, I'll not do that.
In the media, this question is supposed to be answered with the name of some famous, but ideally, somewhat 'specialised' and obscure...so 'cool' famous, person whose mention makes one seem very cultured, special, exclusive...I'm not going to do that either.
I'd choose one of my close and oldest friends...that's who I would want as a dinner guest.
I wonder what people think they'd do if they met some exalted famous person; probably ask 'what's it like to be famous'! Fame feeds itself in media land, but omits that relationships are not for entertainment or selfish gratification, but for fellowship: togetherness.
But what to say if you do meet someone really famous?
A friend related to me that he met one of the major figures in his field: James Watson was speaking at a seminar in Australia that my friend was attending. Most people were overawed by Watson, but when my friend found himself standing near Watson he simply asked how his trip to Australia had been. That started a conversation.
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