Ship of Fools

Ship of Fools is a usually entertaining website that features 'mystery worshipper' (sic) reviews of congregational gatherings.

I'll use their format from time to time, like here. Only I'll keep the whole thing incognito.

Denomination: Churches of Christ but with a new cooler brand.
Church: suburban of a large city.
Location: high income/well educated area.

Name of Gathering: 10 a.m. "Service"

How full was building: about 20%, not surprising at the first week of the new year.

Were you welcomed personally: yes: a chirpy young girl (5yo?) and her little sister were the welcomers at the entry porch, adults nearby. Inside a couple of friendly nods, a pair of friendly men were chatting at the foyer to the auditorium. We spoke in a quite amicable manner.

Was your pew comfortable: rows of linked individual chairs were very comfortable and attractively in style with the 60s architecture of high steep ceilings and blond brickwork. 

Describe the pre-meeting atmosphere: as above: welcoming conversations, but not many around apart from those mentioned.

What were the exact opening words of the 'service': "Welcome everybody" I hate that glib almost alienating address. There is no 'everybody'. Better to say 'welcome' or 'I'm glad you could join us this morning', or even ' Its  good to see you this morning. Let's start our time together with prayer'.

However as a 'high-church' sort of guy I like a formal opening liturgy...so there! Here's a tip: either go liturgical, or do "homely" with genuine connections made.

What books did the congregation use during the meeting: nil. Everything was on screen, and well managed.

What musical instruments were played: two guitars, one being by the singing conductor. But there was an un-manned electronic drum kit and a vacant grand piano. Looked serious, which I liked. But music didn't dominate, which I also liked.

What I didn't like were the songs. Apart from one re-set old hymn they were of the modified 'Jesus is you boyfriend' variety. People went all 'worshippy' and swayed as they sang. Weird! It was like being in the back ward of a mental hospital.

Did anything distract you?: people swaying in awkward 'worshippyness' as they sang.

Nature of the service/meeting (stiff-upper-lip, happy-clappy, or?): simple 'we are not a mega-church but aren't they great' style. Informal and comfortable, my cynicism aside, although a little awkward and timorous. Tension between 'churchy' and 'community'.

This denomination (they used to call themselves a "movement") has communion at every morning service*.  When I was a kid this was conducted with stiff awkward formality: the liturgy you have when you are not having a liturgy. But, if you want a liturgy, do it properly!

Here, at the door one was offered a sealed cup of a shot of grape juice, presumably, no wine available, and a cracker to nibble on in a holy manner. A 'help yourself' communion.

 As with most post-reformation gatherings this was a pretense of the real meal our Lord called on us to enjoy when we gathered. We ignore that, however as the Catholic/Orthodox 'worship'** idea has gripped us all, it seems, even the Campbellite "movement".

Anyway, at the opportune time we were invited to crack open the sealed cup and consume in a reverent manner. I didn't. No point.

Where there was a point was the 'pastoral moment' or some such name, where we talked to someone nearby. An old member and I chatted light-heartedly and briefly. T'was OK, I guess, but I'm not sure about this game. We do it at my regular gathering as well. She called me 'Peter', which I am not, so I called her Agnes, which as I discovered, she is not.

Exactly how long was the address (sermon): about 25 minutes, but too long for the content. I didn't time it.

Evaluate the speaker (1-10) and explain: 6. She spoke well from a public speaking point of view, was confident, warm and natural. Made good audience connection. A little too folksy for my taste. Some vague point was made, but I was mesmerized by the ubiquitous illustrative "Peanuts" cartoons to follow it..

In a nutshell what was the sermon about: from the continuous use of 'Peanuts" cartoons, I think it was about "Peanuts' cartoons. But no, something to do with Mary's challenges as a new mother.

Which part of the service was like being in heaven: talking to the fellers at the door.

And which part was like being in...er...the other place: I could have skipped the talking down to us worshippyiness.

What happened when you hung around after the service looking lost: not many people came into the coffee lounge (and it could have been a little more lounge like with comfy chairs and sofas). There were some chairs and tables cafe style, which I thought good.

One fellow came to chat with me but he was impatient to get away. My fault, I think***. Shortly then one of the vestibule guys came and spent some pleasant time with me.

How would you describe the after-meeting coffee? They apologized for no barista, but as I loathe coffee-pretension, I liked the simple tea/coffee bags and do it yourselfness. Sort of like the Bertolt Brecht coming out in me. Nice Christmas cake.

How would you feel about making another visit (10=ecstatic, 0=terminal): 5. I creep into this auditorium once every decade or so. Mixed memories for me, some good childhood vibes and less good young adult vibes.

Did the experience make you feel glad to be a Christian: Close, but no cigar.

What one thing will you remember about all this in seven day's time? Peanuts cartoons.

*Christians have 'gatherings'! The only 'services' might be weddings and funerals, perhaps baptisms as special ceremonial gatherings.

**Nor do we 'worship' by gathering or in gatherings. We gather for edification in mutuality, See 1 Corinthians 11-14. The only 'worship' enjoined is as per Romans 12:1-2 and James 1:27. 

***Usually the visitor is asked 'you are a visitor' questions. Next time, I'm going to drive the conversation: "What did you think of that?" (what we just experienced); "What brings you here?" (old night-club routine that never worked with the twittering girls who were alone); "What did you think the best part was?", etc.